Mile 5

As women we find that it is incredibly easy to fall into traps of belittling ourselves as we compare ourselves to others.Or maybe I should say that more specifically: I, as a woman, I find it easy to belittle myself when I compare myself to others. "She's prettier," I say. or "If I was skinnier or nicer or wore cooler clothes or..." the list goes on. I find myself caught in this trap believing that if only I were something "better" then I would be more like other women and have what they have. I see women with promising careers making a difference in the world and I feel small...as if I am unable to make a difference. I see my friends getting married and say "am I not worthy of forever?" I see people accomplishing lofty goals and say "can I not do that?" There are so many things, so many reasons to feel not good enough, or strong enough, or cool enough, or pretty enough, or simply "enough" when I look outside myself and compare myself to those around me. And it isn't just me, its lots of women, everyday, feeling belittled because they allow themselves to see someone that looks better or has more and they wish they could be the same.

But I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to feel belittled and I don't want to feel unworthy. I want to be free; free to be who I was meant to be, not who someone else is already. It's exhausting in so many ways to compare yourself to others and to allow yourself to believe lies that tell you you aren't good enough. I believe that I was made to be unique and I believe that I can do anything and be anything that I want. I can inspire others. I can make a difference. I am worthy of forever. I am strong. I am enough.

I wouldn't say it is a new realization, just a new avenue I'm taking my life down. And one I hope other women will join me on. If I stop comparing myself to others then I can be completely content to be who I am; who I was meant to be.

For me, it isn't enough to just make this realization and commit myself to it. I must take some action to carry it out in my life. So, I've started something new with a little help from my running hobby. On average, my runs are 3-4 miles long but I've really set a goal to be able to go out and comfortably run for at least an hour. Since running 4 miles isn't much of an accomplishment for me anymore, I decided this should start at Mile 5. Here is the plan: For every mile I run past 4 I will give something up in my life. For example: When I hit mile 5 (which I have recently) I gave up insecurities and comparing myself to others and began to focus, instead, on all of the good things about me and how they will help me become who I want to be. And when I hit mile 6, I'll give up something else. After I've met the goal for the 1st time, for every time I run that amount afterwards, I will be reminded of what I have given up to make me that much closer to the person that I want to become. To me, it is like shedding unwanted layers to get into the heart of who I am as a person and to completely realize my hopes, my dreams, my fears, and my deepest desires for myself and my life.

So, here's to Mile 5 and for all that it has taught me already. And here's to being a woman who rises above insecurities and belittling comparisons to becoming exactly who she is supposed to be :-)

And since no post is complete without a picture or two, here are a few from Halloween weekend that you may enjoy!

Rock climbing in Yellow Springs with some friends! Thats me, climbing in my TOMS shoes :-)
Enjoying the caramel apples we made
The four of us with our pumpkins we carved
A funny picture of me eating a little baby apple at an apple orchard in Yellow Springs.

Ben and I picking out our pumpkins at the pumpkin farm!

I hope that this post finds you doing well. And I hope that it finds you with your own Mile 5 and your own accomplishments to push you on to be exactly who you were meant to be :-)

Pretty Colors

I went out on a hike today and enjoyed the beautiful colors of Fall here in Ohio. I brought along my camera so here are a few pictures for you to enjoy:

Fall Walkin'

This time of year is filled with exciting football games and outdoor activities. It's a time that smells of spiced apple cider-served hot with a splash of caramel-and the deep scent of campfire on your clothes. It feels like a cool breeze against your skin as your eyes take in its raw and natural beauty. Its the moment you first notice the leaves changing into shades of bright reds, yellows and oranges that you realize it is already upon you, circling in and ushering you towards winter. The sound that now fills your ears is the sound of fallen leaves crunching beneath your feet as you go out for a jog on a calm and cool evening. All of your senses are alive welcoming in the freshness of the world that now surrounds you.

Fall is beautiful.

And so is my family.

Family Picture!
Back view...this one is my favorite.
The littlest Dolphins fan
Stealing Grandpa's hat.
Best Friends.

They Were Holding Hands

They were standing calmly and listening intently when I saw them. Directly in front of me, their tired backs faced in my direction. Immediately after I noticed them, he quietly decided to sit and rest his tired aged legs while the rest of the crowd remained standing. At his side, his wife too remained standing as she looked down with concerned eyes communicating with him without using a single word. He glanced up and slightly tilted his head letting her know that he was just fine. Sweetly, she smiled back at him as he slowly reached up to hold her hand in his.

They were holding hands. I watched the scene unfold in only a few short seconds and felt a smile creep across my face. It was a beautiful moment filled with the kind of love I'm guessing you can never fully grasp until you've spent decades of your life with the same person by your side. Their love is a kind of love that is unconditional and incredibly strong after weathering life's storms together and taking on each blind turn, each new challenge, side by side. It is also a pure love; unique in a refined simplicity after having aged well over time. Now, probably well into their 80's, they still share the simple moments that marked their love from the beginning: a simple smile and the soft touch of holding hands.

These complete strangers brightened my life today as I witnessed their moment of raw intimacy and simple love.

And because a post is always better with a picture, here are a few pictures from my recent trip up north with my family:

Boater Boy!

Look of intensity

Captain of the boat waving to his friends

Clapping!

Hanging out with his Grandpa!

I hope that you find moments everyday that make you happy. Simple moments that can bring a certain untouched joy to your life through witnessing the interactions of others. I hope that you find simple moments of beauty.

The Measure of My Life

I could measure my life in goodbyes.

There was the time I said goodbye to America and headed for a summer of helping orphans in Romania. Then, a few months later, I turned around and said goodbye to the amazing friends I had made there along with all of the children I could barely stand to leave behind. It was a tearful goodbye; the kind of goodbye that is clouded with the uncertainty of whether or not your lives will ever cross paths again. Fast forward one year and I was saying goodbye to Michigan and hello to New York where I would experience my first "big girl" job while crossing paths with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Lucky for me, many of those people are still some of my closest friends no matter how scattered around the globe they may be. Much like Romania, though, New York lead to another goodbye. It was goodbye to adventures, familiar faces, and some of my favorite memories as we all headed off to different places to finish our educations. Three months later I was saying goodbye to college, goodbye to family and friends, and a final goodbye to my childhood home as I headed off for the "real world" and began my new independent adult life in Ohio. Since then I've said goodbye to one job, my first place on my own, and the idea that money can buy you happiness.

From one adventure, one place, to the next, it often feels that this string of goodbyes would be the most accurate markings of where I have been and what I have experienced in my life. More importantly, the lengthy string of goodbyes would depict all of the people that I have had to say goodbye to and the ways in which they have enriched my life in so many ways.

Goodbye isn't a word I like much. But it's better to have said goodbye then to never have had met those that I must eventually say goodbye to at all. Recently, goodbye has been looming in my life creating a dark shadow that slowly engulfed my being until tears flowed softly in steady, unwavering drips onto my favorite sweater.

Goodbye is never easy. In the past few weeks alone I have said goodbye to Ben, Liz, and the companionship of summer sunshine. As always, fall slowly creeps in stealing the day to day excitement of warm weather and everyday friendships.

I'll miss summer terribly. Mostly, I'll miss these two faces brightening my every day.

So, with goodbye marking my life yet again, I've decided to take on some personal projects and fill my spare time with new experiences and personal accomplishments. What that looks like is assisting a prominent Cincinnati wedding photographer

(http://www.imagesbydanielmichael.com/) on weddings occasionally. For now I'm just assisting and not taking pictures but in a few months or so I'll be training to actually do photojournalism with the same photography studio to be a part of their wedding teams. Last Saturday was my first day on the job. While it was a completely new experience to be an outsider at someones wedding, it felt like such an honor to be a part of making someones special day something to remember. This wedding was a lot of fun and seeing the love that the couple shared with each other, as well as the love that all of those around them had for them, was something so beautiful that i couldn't help but take it all in. For me, this is a great learning experience and a chance to grow my photography skills in so many ways.

And, while we are on the exciting side of things, this past weekend I was able to participate in my first engagement photo shoot with my friend, and Dayton photographer, Adam

(http://www.adamalonzo.com/). This time I was actually taking my own pictures so I really enjoyed that and Adam is a really good teacher. Here are a few of my favorite shots that I took of the couple:

I am excited for these new photography opportunities and the chance to learn a ton from a couple of really talented photographers in the area.

I could measure my life in goodbyes as there there is a string of them that have lead me to each new place and each new experience in my life. What I'd rather do, though: I'd rather measure my life in love...the love that I see, the love that I experience, and the love that I share.

And one day, maybe one day, I'll no longer have to say goodbye.

3 Summers

He grew up in a large Minnesota town on a quiet dead end street slightly hidden to the average passerby. Their house is decorated in beautiful soft colors and filled with books; lots and lots of books. They talk about their days, social issues affecting the world, and current events over home cooked meals. They talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company in a house full of love.

I spent the last week visiting Ben's hometown in Minnesota. This was our third summer enjoying each other's company, friendship, and adventures side by side. It was my first time visiting Minnesota and seeing the town where Ben grew up. We toured the area, visited the local university, and saw all of the sites that reflect Ben's childhood. I saw his favorite rails to skate, the elementary school he used to walk to, and the places where his best friends had lived. I saw all of the things and places that have made him who he is: a thoughtful, intelligent, and unique individual. And one of my best friends.

The Minnesota sign on our drive in. It was a little less than 12 hours but the time seemed to fly!

A sea turtle at the Mall of America Aquarium!

Ben at the Aquarium.

Stingray!

Trying to touch a shark!

Shark Attack!!

The theme park inside the Mall of America...ridiculous!

While in Minnesota I also had the chance to visit Patty, one of my college roommates and good friends who now lives in the Twin Cities where she serves in the Americorps program "Rebuilding Together". I enjoyed seeing her place and traveling around the Twin Cities. One of the things that we did was visit the James Hill mansion-a 36,000 square foot hilltop house that belonged to a pioneer of the Railroad industry in the late 1800's. This is their dining room.

The laundry room at the mansion. It consisted of 20 large pull out racks to hang items on.

The furnace room.

Ben's family just got a new kitty named Bella. She has ALOT of personality but was tons of fun to play with.

While touring the Minnesota State University campus we caught their football team practicing.

Art on Art...this picture was in Minneapolis at an art gallery and garden. It was pretty neat to see a painter painting the scene I was photographing.

Ben, his mom, and his brother Nick at the sculpture garden.

Ben and I.

A "short" giraffe at the Como zoo in Minneapolis.

I saw this cute little girl at the zoo and had to snap a picture. She is looking out at a giant box turtle.

Me eating a Cheese Chilito in Mankato. Ben has been telling me about this Mexican restaurant and these Cheese Chilito's since I first met him in New York and I was so excited to finally get to try them!

Feeding some grass to a miniature horse at a park in Mankato.

Cheesy picture.

It was a great vacation and a great end to the summer. As always, it was hard to say goodbye but I'm already looking forward to the next adventure.

3 summers of fun.

Seasons

As I walk casually around the grocery stores and shopping malls this time of year I find myself distracted by all things "back to school." There are cute pink notebooks, shiny plastic lunch boxes, all things space-saving for dorm room organization, and school-year planners everywhere. I used to really enjoy this time as a time to welcome in a new school year and a fresh start with all sorts of crispy new school supplies. In college I had a notebook for every class in separate colors that corresponded with a binder and folders to match. And I loved each of them as if they held some great out-pouring of intelligence that I would pick up just by using them. I was excited for new classes, new notebooks, and meeting new people. I liked "back to school" everything.

Now, however, I've found that my feelings have changed. For the past few years back to school time marks new beginnings for the rest of the world while in my world everything changes but stays exactly the same. People go back to school, I just go back to the office for another week of work. Friends leave on exciting adventures, begin grad-school programs in exotic locations, or return to the familiar faces of their college courses while I relearn the art of solitude and settle in to all things familiar. For me it feels as though nothing is changing when in reality everything is. But it isn't new or fresh or exciting; it isn't "back to school". I no longer get to look forward to the anticipation of living with new roommates, the excitement of purchasing brand spankin' new notebooks, or the joy that comes from being surrounded by good friends every moment of the day.

But I am not complaining. Just noticing how seasonal my life is. Summer is full of excitement and adventures from late night talks outdoors to spending time with family and friends and everything in between. Everyone is alive during the summer months. I am alive during the summer months. Alive planning the next day's adventure, staying up way too late, and enjoying all things in the great outdoors. And making new friends. And spending time with those that I love. Summer is a great awakening; a time for heartfelt excitement that seeps from your pores as you embrace sunshine and the warm breeze whispering in your ear. But summer doesn't last long and too quickly it fades to into the cool emptiness of fall. I go from days filled with laughter and company to days filled with personal adventures and good books. My world changes with the seasons. And this year will be no different.

As I think about "back to school" and the newness that this time brings to those around me I can't help but think about the seasons of my life. I have had seasons of beautiful sunshine engulfing me with constant adventures, laughter, friendships, and chances to make a difference in the world. I have also had seasons of rain and dark cloudy days where solitude quickly becomes my closest friend. These seasons, these periods of my life, force me to examine myself at every point and discover what can become new even when it seems like nothing is changing.

The changing seasons always make me feel as though the world is spinning madly around me as I sit comfortably in a state of consistency. Maybe I don't want consistency. Maybe I want adventure and passion and excitement all the time. Or maybe, just maybe, I must find my own way to join the rest of the world in this season of "back to school" by forcing myself to step outside of my normal routine and bring the sunshine of Summer straight into Fall.

This year I am determined to bring the newness of "back to school" into my life without ever stepping foot into a classroom. I'll have my own adventures, take on my own new projects, and spend time learning more about myself to focus in on the person that I want to become.

Seasons change, lives change, but it's how I handle the change that will help me carry the summer sunshine into fall to brighten even the dreariest of days.