Seasons

As I walk casually around the grocery stores and shopping malls this time of year I find myself distracted by all things "back to school." There are cute pink notebooks, shiny plastic lunch boxes, all things space-saving for dorm room organization, and school-year planners everywhere. I used to really enjoy this time as a time to welcome in a new school year and a fresh start with all sorts of crispy new school supplies. In college I had a notebook for every class in separate colors that corresponded with a binder and folders to match. And I loved each of them as if they held some great out-pouring of intelligence that I would pick up just by using them. I was excited for new classes, new notebooks, and meeting new people. I liked "back to school" everything.

Now, however, I've found that my feelings have changed. For the past few years back to school time marks new beginnings for the rest of the world while in my world everything changes but stays exactly the same. People go back to school, I just go back to the office for another week of work. Friends leave on exciting adventures, begin grad-school programs in exotic locations, or return to the familiar faces of their college courses while I relearn the art of solitude and settle in to all things familiar. For me it feels as though nothing is changing when in reality everything is. But it isn't new or fresh or exciting; it isn't "back to school". I no longer get to look forward to the anticipation of living with new roommates, the excitement of purchasing brand spankin' new notebooks, or the joy that comes from being surrounded by good friends every moment of the day.

But I am not complaining. Just noticing how seasonal my life is. Summer is full of excitement and adventures from late night talks outdoors to spending time with family and friends and everything in between. Everyone is alive during the summer months. I am alive during the summer months. Alive planning the next day's adventure, staying up way too late, and enjoying all things in the great outdoors. And making new friends. And spending time with those that I love. Summer is a great awakening; a time for heartfelt excitement that seeps from your pores as you embrace sunshine and the warm breeze whispering in your ear. But summer doesn't last long and too quickly it fades to into the cool emptiness of fall. I go from days filled with laughter and company to days filled with personal adventures and good books. My world changes with the seasons. And this year will be no different.

As I think about "back to school" and the newness that this time brings to those around me I can't help but think about the seasons of my life. I have had seasons of beautiful sunshine engulfing me with constant adventures, laughter, friendships, and chances to make a difference in the world. I have also had seasons of rain and dark cloudy days where solitude quickly becomes my closest friend. These seasons, these periods of my life, force me to examine myself at every point and discover what can become new even when it seems like nothing is changing.

The changing seasons always make me feel as though the world is spinning madly around me as I sit comfortably in a state of consistency. Maybe I don't want consistency. Maybe I want adventure and passion and excitement all the time. Or maybe, just maybe, I must find my own way to join the rest of the world in this season of "back to school" by forcing myself to step outside of my normal routine and bring the sunshine of Summer straight into Fall.

This year I am determined to bring the newness of "back to school" into my life without ever stepping foot into a classroom. I'll have my own adventures, take on my own new projects, and spend time learning more about myself to focus in on the person that I want to become.

Seasons change, lives change, but it's how I handle the change that will help me carry the summer sunshine into fall to brighten even the dreariest of days.