On Taking Your Own Advice

It's hard to believe that the first day of Fall is upon us already. The leaves are beginning to change colors and the breeze has begun to blow with a cool crispness through my now opened windows. This summer has mostly been a good one and my weekends were filled with new adventures (skydiving!) and new accomplishments (triathlons!). And, as life would have it, there were also obstacles I thought I would not overcome and challenges I had not been expecting. It seems I took less pictures and did less of the "usual" summer activities and instead filled my time having new experiences and mastering the art of self-reflection. But, somewhere in the middle of the activities and busy days, obstacles and accomplishments, I forgot to stop for a moment and remember to be who I want to be.

Luckily, I've planned carefully for the moments I realize I'm not being who I want to be. The plan consists mostly of self-reflection, a notebook tucked away with thoughts about life, love, goals and light-hearted encouragement appropriate for reading at any moment, and talks with good friends. You see, I've worked hard at leaving myself reminders to get me back on track when I feel myself drifting from who I want to become. I've also worked hard at surrounding myself with great friends scattered all over the country who encourage me and make me want to be better and do better and see and experience more of the world. They are the kind of friends who make an effort to get together even if it means a not-so-cheap plane ticket or sleeping in uncomfortable situations (if you've ever seen a single dorm room on MIT's campus in Boston crammed with 3 friends, you've seen uncomfortable). And when we can't see each other we write emails, send messages, mail, and "thinking of you" gifts whenever we can while planning out our next shared adventure. They're also the kind of friends who wake up early on a Saturday morning to run part of your 11 mile run with you, offer they're advice on sticky life situations, and come to run you in on your longest triathlon when they know you must be tired. It was these friends that led me to my recent moment of self-reflection and taught me the importance of taking my own advice.

She was having a hard time deciding which job to take and was afraid of disappointing her family. In the midst of her mild freak-out she explained the situation to me and I read her words carefully to make sure I could understand her concerns and help her make a decision that was right for her. "I hate disappointing people," she said, frustration and uncertainty clouding the words that followed. "Man do I know that feeling" I thought to myself. Just this weekend I drove to Michigan to have ice cream with my nephew because I had told him I would be there and I didn't want to disappoint him. "Auntie Ashely is coming to play with you, and we're going to eat ice cream and have lots of fun" I told him over the phone. He didn't say anything back as he usually doesn't. But in his two-and-a-half-year-old understanding he smacked his lips at the sound of the word ice cream and I knew he'd enjoy the time as much as I would. When the weekend got busy and filled with other events I considered cancelling the drive to Michigan and staying home. But I couldn't. When I told my friends I was leaving and explained to them I had called my nephew and told him we'd have ice cream they said "he's 2, I don't think he'll remember if you don't go". They may have been right, but I knew that I would remember. I would remember that I didn't go. I would remember being disappointed later about not making the trip when I very well could have. And so I went. And while the weekend didn't go as planned, I got to have an ice cream date with my two and a half year old nephew on a beautiful Michigan day and create a wonderful memory that I'll carry with me for years to come. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered to him if I'd been there or not, but I knew that if I didn't go I would be disappointed in myself and, to me, there is nothing worse. So, when my friend explained her situation and how she was afraid of disappointing people I offered the only advice I could give from my own experiences: The most important person to not disappoint is yourself.

It's so true, though, isn't it? In trying to please other people we often lose sight of ourselves and our own desires for our lives. We get so busy trying not to disappoint others that we disappoint ourselves in return. And really, at the end of the day, you should be your own #1. You should be top priority and take care of yourself because sometimes you might be all that you have. You should be your number #1 fan, doing things to improve yourself and picking yourself back up when you've failed. You should believe in yourself and the person that you are because what if everyone around you thinks only that you won't succeed? And even if you disappoint everyone else in the world you should strive to never disappoint yourself as when you look back on your life only you can account for your own actions.

I've been thinking of those words this week and reflecting on all the times I offer my advice to other people but don't take it myself or remain too stubborn to see my own shortcomings. I don't want it to be that way. I want to be a person who takes my own advice. Who takes the risks and challenges that head my way lightly as I advise others to. Who lives life with arms wide open. Who gives of myself and lives as selflessly as I encourage others to. I want to be the person that I want my friends to be and live out the advice I'm giving so at the end of the day, in the silence and comfort of my own home, I can feel at peace with who I am.

I hope that summer has treated you well. And, like my friend and I, I hope you have learned the importance of taking your own advice and that the most important person to not disappoint is yourself.

Gavin with his Ice Cream covered face after our date this weekend.