Gift-Giving and Giving Back

Life has been full of "self moments" over the past few weeks and moments of continued growth to becoming the person I want to be. I feel lighter and happier and at a point of being completely open to what life has to offer over the next few years. I'm trying to be more of a "yes" person and open myself up to more people and experiences and I can already feel the benefits of such a simple thing.

I hope that Fall has been treating you well wherever you are. The cool weather has settled in on us here on the East Coast and I have a hard time believing it is already the week of Thanksgiving (and in turn the week of the Michigan / Ohio State football game). I love this time of year. I love tradition and family and excuses to spend time with people that I love and don't see often enough. There is something so beautiful about the season of thankfulness and giving that it wraps us all in it's shining lights and makes the world a little brighter if even only for a short while.

I also love this time of year for another reason: gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. I'm fairly certain I picked this up from my mom as she is the ultimate gift-giver. My life has always been full of "just because" or "saw this and thought you'd like it" gifts. Her thoughtfulness is always impressive and her gifts are always heartwarming. I'm also convinced that she Christmas shops all year long as she sees things that are "just perfect" for someone and holds onto them until the Holiday's (my problem would be in the holding onto them part; I want to give every gift RIGHT. NOW.) There is something so beautiful and wonderful about gifts and surprises and the chance to make the people around you feel special with such a simple act.

Heading into Black Friday and the real rush of Holiday shopping I wanted to to share my plans with you on how I plan to give my gifts this year in hopes that you might be inspired to do a little more giving back as well. This year, I am tying my love for gift-giving and my love for charity together to make the act of giving twice as sweet. The initial goal is to shop only from charities and non-profits who are selling products to raise funds and support causes like hunger, orphans and providing medical care to people all over the world. Many charitable organizations now sell products made in the communities that they are serving and by purchasing from them you are supporting that persons work as well as the work that the organization is  doing. Simply put, you're single purchase is giving many times: to the person the gift is for, the person and community that made the gift, and the organization who is working on that cause and serving those people. I can tell you already what a joy it has been to shop in this way. I have shared email correspondence with people in far off countries that are so thankful to be hearing from me and I have already been the recipient of kindness from these strangers based on my support for their causes. Since I've hand-picked the causes that are nearest and dearest to my heart, I am beyond happy to support them in this way and we already have both come out winners.

In the rare instances that I'm unable to do this for someone, I have committed to only supporting small, local businesses and individual artists by attending art fairs and shopping on sites like www.etsy.com. This way, the money that I am spending is going directly to individual families, artists, and communities where I am connected. You read that correctly; I will not be spending a single dollar this year at any malls or chain stores like Target, Kohl's etc..

You see, I think we've gotten the Holiday's all mixed up. Our priorities have shifted from spending time with people that we love and simple acts of giving to spending too much money and finding the "perfect gift at any price". This year, the big retailers have made it even worse by taking away from rare and precious family time and opening their doors Thanksgiving day. No sale or special price is worth the time we're losing searching out perfect gifts when the real gift we can give others is the gift of ourselves.

I hope you'll consider finding more ways to give back this Holiday season. It may not be as convenient as running out to your local mall, but I can promise you that it is much more fulfilling to shop in a way that is truly making a difference around the world and right in the community where you are living. And, more importantly, I hope that you'll find more time for loved ones this year and less time for seeking out a perfect gift. I can assure you, the best gift you can ever offer the world is the gift of yourself: of your time, your passions, your skills, and your heart. After all, the world needs those things much more than it needs more stuff.

A Christmas picture of Gavin and Coco from last year. I'm not sure there is anyone who loves Christmas more than this kid!

On Running a Marathon and Finding Joy

A dear family friend reminded me that I hadn't blogged in awhile. I think she was being nice when she said "awhile" as the hiatus has been over 18 months long. Sorry about that. I'll try to return to somewhat regularly scheduled programming to share some life happenings and heartfelt stories with you again.

Life has been interesting lately. And by interesting I mean a little tough. Sometimes things just happen in our lives that are outside of our control and they leave us with unanswered questions, feelings of inadequacy, and moments of deep sadness. And when the tough stuff really started I had something even bigger on my plate: I was smack in the middle of training for my very first marathon. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit but know that there were quite a few. How was I supposed to get up and run 20 miles when I didn't want to get out of bed? Trust me, it wasn't easy. But I did it. I got up and ran every one of those 20 milers all by myself. And then, On October 21st I crossed the finish line at the Columbus Marathon and became a marathon finisher/goal accomplisher/person who doesn't give up. I can tell you, looking back on it now, that having a goal and having something to work towards has been the best type of help in dealing with this tough stuff. Come marathon day, I smiled through 26.2 miles, even when it hurt, because when you're faced with something hard what else is there to do but put a smile on your face and try to get through it?

Much like life, training for a marathon is HARD. It takes time (lots of it!) and energy and the strength to not forget about the goal your aiming for when you're in the middle of a hard 20 miler. When I signed up for the race I didn't know the challenges I would face to get to that finish line but every stumbling block was a chance to overcome myself and sometimes meant relying on the strength and encouragement of others to get me through. And the reward? I spent my entire race and the days leading up to it surrounded by people who love me as much as I love them.  And for all those runs I did on my own? I didn't run a single mile of that marathon by myself. Not one. Sharing pieces of that 26.2 miles with such great friends and family was better than anything I could have asked for. We ran and we talked and we laughed and we enjoyed a beautiful day in Columbus, OH.

I read a quote recently that really hit home in this whole experience:

"Happiness describes a temporary emotion based on circumstances. Joy is something within yourself that remains regardless of your circumstances."

Running that marathon I felt nothing but joy. And while sadness was still there and hurt was still there, for this race they were overshadowed with pure and unhindered joy at all that I had accomplished and all of the love surrounding me in doing so. I'm trying to pocket that feeling and learn the lesson that you can be full of joy even when you're hurting. 

Whether you're trying to run a marathon or just get through some sort of difficulty in your life, I hope that you will find joy somewhere in the process. And know that there are so many people surrounding you that will pick you up, as they have done for me, and help you reach whatever place it is you're trying to get to. 

Some of my favorite pictures from Marathon Day:

 At mile 26 my Dad and a few friends came to run me in. Still smiling!

 Picking up my packet...and getting nervous!

 Pre-race lunch with two dear friends!

 Ready to run with some amazing women from Up and Running!

 At the finish, ice cream in my hand,with some of my fans!

 Love that the theme for the race was "Inspire"!

Somewhere in the first half with Becky!

My Life Song

I haven't written in awhile. A few months actually. I've been busy in the span between the last post and now filling my time with big decisions, life celebrations, and staying busy in the sometimes mundane routine of life. I've celebrated big birthdays and big accomplishments with my family, had new adventures with friends, and taken chances just for the sake of taking them. Chances that will all make sense one day. To say that things have been a bit crazy recently would be an understatement but somehow, in the midst of everything, I feel content with where I am and where I am heading.

I heard a song recently that I couldn't relate to more and wanted to share it with you. It's a song that reflects my inner-most desire to live a life that values the small things and a life that realizes the importance of all the moments that truly matter. Music has such a way of meeting you where you are and turning the inner-weaving's of your spirit into beautiful melodies. For now, I'm calling it my life song because it fits where I am at this exact moment. Next month or next year another song may fit a bit better but that is part of the beauty of music: there is always another sweet melody waiting to capture you wherever you are.  The song is by Lori Mckenna and it's titled " The Most".

The Most by: Lori McKenna

My life is a grocery store line

A "We'll be just fine"

Don't know how we survive but we do

My life is an early spring snow

The last thread of hope

That I just keep hanging on to

My life is pieces of paper that I'll get back to later

I'll write you a story of how I ended up here

Why the little things make us and how long it takes us

To figure out what matters the most...

My life is a two dollar beer

Friday nights here

With friends that I've known since high school

My life is an order to go

A rainy car ride back home

And someone you love to lay next to

My life is pieces of paper that I'll get back to later

I'll write you a story, how I ended up here

Why the little things make us and how long it takes us 

To figure out what matters the most...

Someday well I'll look back and wonder

Someday comes around a little quicker than they told you

Asking "Did I do what I was supposed to"

In my life

Don't know why the little things make us and sometimes it takes us

To damn long to figure out what matters the most....

My life is green grass through the snow

A sweet reckless hope

And baby I know...what matters the most

I can relate to this song on so many levels in the way that it not only reflects the life I live now but also the life that I am constantly running towards. I can't tell you how many rainy car rides I've had back home to see my family. And I probably complained the whole way about the traffic and the weather and all the driver's who can't move out of the left lane. But I'm thankful that I live close enough to drive home. Thankful that I have a wonderful family waiting for me when I get there.  So often those things get overlooked or I merely spend so much time complaining about them that I forget to realize that they are the very things that are molding me and shaping me and making me into the person I am to become.

Then there is the part about writing a story of how you ended up where you are. I could do that in the most literal sense. It's one of my most favorite things actually, to look back at my life and see what decisions I made and what experiences I had that led me to the exact point I am at. And when I'm in the middle of the tough stuff, the hard decisions or the why-does-this-hurt-so-bad-i-never-want-to-be-here-again stuff, I try to remember that someday I'll look back and realize why I went through that and what I learned by doing so.

Mostly, though, what I really like about this song are the lines "Someday well I'll look back and wonder/ Someday it comes around a little quicker than they told you/ asking 'did I do what I was supposed to'/ In my life".Right now, I'm at this point of looking back and wondering if I'm doing what I was meant to do. And if I'm not, will I take the chance and make the leap to actually do what I feel I AM supposed to? I hope so because I don't want to look back and wonder, I want to live so fully that I don't even have to ask. I want to pursue my passions, make a difference, and take chances on things that feel like doing and being exactly what I'm meant to.

For me, this song is a reminder that the little things and little moments make us who we are. It makes me keenly aware of the person that I want to be, the person that I'm in the process of becoming, and the person that takes a risk just to make sure they're on the path to doing what they were supposed to with their life. And I hope I'm a person who never stops clinging to a sweet hope, no matter how reckless it seems, or lets go of those little things that truly matter the most.

I hope you'll enjoy this song as much as I do. Listen to it by clicking here.

And since I'm back on the blog, next up will be a photo recap of the last few months for you to enjoy :-)

Lost

Do you ever feel lost? In any way at all?

I do. Often. I feel lost in the realm of possibilities of what my future holds. In the last year alone I've been accepted into a Photography program, accepted into a Graduate School program for Higher Education, and thought seriously about going back to pursue my pre-college dreams of becoming a doctor. And that is just in the last year. Imagine all of the things I've thought I wanted to be in the last 5 years, 10 years, or since I was a little girl. I often call my parents and ask if they think I'm crazy when they listen to me over and over again telling them a hundred different things I want to be or do. The problem, I'm realizing, is that I often feel completely lost in the midst of my own life. It's like I'm living  at 120 MPH with no clear direction. And it oftentimes leaves me feeling completely unsettled, completely uncomfortable in the unsteady feeling of lost-ness that surrounds me.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. About being lost and what it means.  About what direction and purpose would look like in my life. And I've been struck by the fact that I'm living my lostness with the same purpose I would if I had a clear goal or clear destination. I wouldn't slow down, I wouldn't do things any differently even if I knew where I was headed and I think that's something beautiful.

How often in our lives do we get the chance to be lost? In high school the goal is to graduate and go on to college. In college the goal is to choose a major, graduate, and go on to find a job. After that we're supposed to find a partner, get married, start a family. While at the same time finding our "niche" in the professional world and continuing to move up the corporate latter to a fancier title, a bigger paycheck, and more time off . And then we'll raise our families to follow in the same pattern before planning out our own retirement. While some of our lives will not play out that way, you can see that there is always a goal, a destination or accomplishment we are striving for. But right here, right now, I don't have any of that. I have no clear idea of what my future looks like in any sense and as much as it can be frustrating and as much as I might desire purpose and the clear mind that comes from going from "lost" to "found", if I focus on what I'm missing in my lostness then I miss all of the living there is to be done right now.

Maybe we're supposed to be lost. And maybe it's okay to be uncomfortable and unsettled. If nothing else, it keeps us living in the here and now with  hopeful spirits for the moment of clarity when the here we are living right now melts into the destination of tomorrow we didn't even know we were headed for.

Being lost may not be the most comfortable place, but wherever I am is exactly where I am supposed to be.

On Taking Your Own Advice

It's hard to believe that the first day of Fall is upon us already. The leaves are beginning to change colors and the breeze has begun to blow with a cool crispness through my now opened windows. This summer has mostly been a good one and my weekends were filled with new adventures (skydiving!) and new accomplishments (triathlons!). And, as life would have it, there were also obstacles I thought I would not overcome and challenges I had not been expecting. It seems I took less pictures and did less of the "usual" summer activities and instead filled my time having new experiences and mastering the art of self-reflection. But, somewhere in the middle of the activities and busy days, obstacles and accomplishments, I forgot to stop for a moment and remember to be who I want to be.

Luckily, I've planned carefully for the moments I realize I'm not being who I want to be. The plan consists mostly of self-reflection, a notebook tucked away with thoughts about life, love, goals and light-hearted encouragement appropriate for reading at any moment, and talks with good friends. You see, I've worked hard at leaving myself reminders to get me back on track when I feel myself drifting from who I want to become. I've also worked hard at surrounding myself with great friends scattered all over the country who encourage me and make me want to be better and do better and see and experience more of the world. They are the kind of friends who make an effort to get together even if it means a not-so-cheap plane ticket or sleeping in uncomfortable situations (if you've ever seen a single dorm room on MIT's campus in Boston crammed with 3 friends, you've seen uncomfortable). And when we can't see each other we write emails, send messages, mail, and "thinking of you" gifts whenever we can while planning out our next shared adventure. They're also the kind of friends who wake up early on a Saturday morning to run part of your 11 mile run with you, offer they're advice on sticky life situations, and come to run you in on your longest triathlon when they know you must be tired. It was these friends that led me to my recent moment of self-reflection and taught me the importance of taking my own advice.

She was having a hard time deciding which job to take and was afraid of disappointing her family. In the midst of her mild freak-out she explained the situation to me and I read her words carefully to make sure I could understand her concerns and help her make a decision that was right for her. "I hate disappointing people," she said, frustration and uncertainty clouding the words that followed. "Man do I know that feeling" I thought to myself. Just this weekend I drove to Michigan to have ice cream with my nephew because I had told him I would be there and I didn't want to disappoint him. "Auntie Ashely is coming to play with you, and we're going to eat ice cream and have lots of fun" I told him over the phone. He didn't say anything back as he usually doesn't. But in his two-and-a-half-year-old understanding he smacked his lips at the sound of the word ice cream and I knew he'd enjoy the time as much as I would. When the weekend got busy and filled with other events I considered cancelling the drive to Michigan and staying home. But I couldn't. When I told my friends I was leaving and explained to them I had called my nephew and told him we'd have ice cream they said "he's 2, I don't think he'll remember if you don't go". They may have been right, but I knew that I would remember. I would remember that I didn't go. I would remember being disappointed later about not making the trip when I very well could have. And so I went. And while the weekend didn't go as planned, I got to have an ice cream date with my two and a half year old nephew on a beautiful Michigan day and create a wonderful memory that I'll carry with me for years to come. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered to him if I'd been there or not, but I knew that if I didn't go I would be disappointed in myself and, to me, there is nothing worse. So, when my friend explained her situation and how she was afraid of disappointing people I offered the only advice I could give from my own experiences: The most important person to not disappoint is yourself.

It's so true, though, isn't it? In trying to please other people we often lose sight of ourselves and our own desires for our lives. We get so busy trying not to disappoint others that we disappoint ourselves in return. And really, at the end of the day, you should be your own #1. You should be top priority and take care of yourself because sometimes you might be all that you have. You should be your number #1 fan, doing things to improve yourself and picking yourself back up when you've failed. You should believe in yourself and the person that you are because what if everyone around you thinks only that you won't succeed? And even if you disappoint everyone else in the world you should strive to never disappoint yourself as when you look back on your life only you can account for your own actions.

I've been thinking of those words this week and reflecting on all the times I offer my advice to other people but don't take it myself or remain too stubborn to see my own shortcomings. I don't want it to be that way. I want to be a person who takes my own advice. Who takes the risks and challenges that head my way lightly as I advise others to. Who lives life with arms wide open. Who gives of myself and lives as selflessly as I encourage others to. I want to be the person that I want my friends to be and live out the advice I'm giving so at the end of the day, in the silence and comfort of my own home, I can feel at peace with who I am.

I hope that summer has treated you well. And, like my friend and I, I hope you have learned the importance of taking your own advice and that the most important person to not disappoint is yourself.

Gavin with his Ice Cream covered face after our date this weekend.

24

Tomorrow I will turn 24. 24 isn't a significant number or age that I've been waiting on with great anticipation and it doesn't mark some great milestone. Really, It's just another year gone by; another day in July lived out similar to all the rest. But, I'll be honest, I like birthdays. I like the chance to stop and reflect and look back on another year of life in hopes that in that year I've done something worthwhile; something that will outlive me and make the world a better place. I like the small surprises from people who remembered its your birthday and call just to wish you a happy day. And I like having a birthday week and a birthday month and taking opportunities to do something nice for myself and use that as an excuse (I know I don't NEED another dress, but it is my birthday month after all ;-) )

I like setting aside a day to celebrate me; to celebrate all of the years that have lead up to this point in my life, knowing that I can't take a day or second of those years back but can use them to move into the future. I like thinking back on all of the special moments that I've had in my life and the people that I've met along the way that have helped me become the person that I am today. And I like celebrating all that I am, in the core of my being, and the person that I am becoming. A person who thinks and feels and cares. A person who dreams and loves and hurts. And a person who laughs and shares. Birthdays are a time to celebrate who I am and a time to realize that I am worth celebrating. Because if we're honest with ourselves, at the end of the day we're all that we have. And if I don't take care of myself, who will? If I don't appreciate myself, can I expect others to? If I don't love myself, how can I love you? Birthdays are a time to look back and appreciate the years and moments and people that make you who you are. But they're also a time to appreciate and celebrate you and your life.

There is a song called "24" by the group Switchfoot that has long been one of my favorite songs. As I turn 24, I listen to the song with a new found appreciation for many of the lyrics and the ability to let them speak to me in a whole new way. I'll share some of them with you here:

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I wan to be one today
Centered and true

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestle the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause

Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

To me, this song is about living for more and being "centered and true" to ourselves with out "copping out". I don't want to cop out. Ever. And its okay when life isn't what I thought it was going to be just yesterday.And its even more okay for me to be a newer, better, different person today than I was yesterday. This part of my life is all about change. Its about finding out what I want for myself and for my life. It's about having new experiences and discovering parts of me I never knew existed. Its about finding out who I want to be and how I want to spend all of the days of the life that I have. And its so exciting to take on each new year, each new adventure, with open arms.

Tomorrow I will turn 24. I will spend the day celebrating the me that I am today. And even if it isn't your birthday, I hope that you will spend the day celebrating you as well. You are worth it, after all.

Self Moments

On Tuesday evenings a group of people gather at Up and Running here in Dayton to get in an hours worth of running and enjoy the company of others. They are people from all walks of life, who do all sorts of different things, but who get together to enjoy the sport of running. I started going to improve my running and learn to run longer distances. I keep going back for the wonderful company and great friendships that develop over the miles.

I was on my Tuesday run this week when we started to talk about "Self Moments". I was running with two ladies who began to share stories of their lives and of moments that they did something on their own that made them feel a stronger sense of self. Some of their experiences were tough ones, ones that they wouldn't wish on anyone and would rather not relive, but those experiences lead them to self moments where they knew they could stand on their own. Other experiences that they shared were ones of hope and of love; of having kids, getting married, and of overcoming obstacles to stand tall and proud in who they had become. As I listened to the conversation and reminisced about some of the self moments I have had myself, I felt inspired to be surrounded by so many people who were willing to give of themselves and share their stories to impact others. They are people who realize that self moments are so important, for in those moments, we become more and more the people that we are meant to be.

I hope that my life is filled with self moments. Moments of unfailing hope and unshakable faith. Moments of unconditional love and an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. And also moments of sorrow and of hurt; moments that are so tough that I never want to experience them again and others that are so beautiful I can't relive them enough. I want my life to be full of experiences and full of moments where I can stand up and be proud of who I am and who I am becoming no matter what the circumstance. And in these self moments, I hope that I will be as open and sharing as these ladies were so that my own experiences can uplift and inspire others.

I had a self moment recently: Crossing the finish line of my 2nd half marathon in Indianapolis. I had set a goal to not walk at all this time and to finish around 2 hours and 15 minutes. It was the last mile and I was tired. TIRED as in EXHAUSTED. I didn't want to run anymore, I wanted to stop and walk and get some water and maybe an ice cream cone (or two). I wanted to stop.Right.There. But I wasn't running by myself this time, I had a friend beside me. A friend who wouldn't let me stop and a friend who pushed me all the way to the finish line. And when I did finally cross the finish line and had met all of my goals I felt proud of myself. So proud. Because I didn't give up. And because, this half marathon, I had a friend to run beside me.

Becky and I running on the Indianapolis 500 track. I know its a little blurry, but its difficult to take a good picture when you're running as FAST as we were :-)
A whole group of us in our corral before the start. I have great people to run with!
A new picture of Gavin from my weekend home a few weeks ago. Playing in the pond.
I love this little guy.
Such a big boy.

I hope that this post finds you doing well, experiencing life, and having "self moments" of your own.

Much love,